Having Children: Now, Later or Never
Having children can be a pleasure or a pain, depending on your views and experience, but it is a fact that having children is no longer a necessity in providing manual labour for a family farm, or to ensure parents are cared for in their later years. Nowadays people are presented with a real opportunity to decide when they want to have children, if at all. Global fertility rates are declining, especially in the developed world. In Ontario, one in six couples battles infertility and the difficulty to conceive has become such a prevalent issue that a local radio station here in Ottawa ‘gave away’ a baby last month to five lucky couples who won fertility treatments via a popular, albeit controversial, contest.
With factors such as medical conditions, stress levels, financial instability or lifestyle choices all affecting fertility rates, many couples are having babies later in life. And even those who do want children are waiting well into their thirties before expanding their nuclear family. Meanwhile an increasing percentage of the population is choosing to remain childless, whether to maintain independence, accumulate wealth, or relish greater career success.
Photo by: Jenna Sparks from j.sparksphotography
The interaction between couples who already have babies, those who are trying to have babies, and those who do not want babies is quite interesting. Some members of each of these collective groups are convinced of their superiority, imposing their views and choices on others. It is surprising that the traditional expectation to graduate, get married and have children is still perceived as the norm in some social circles, despite the fact that many do not follow this trend anymore.
Witnessing the ignorant faux-pas often committed in social situations (such as asking someone you’ve just met if they plan to have children) can be an absolute mood killer, albeit entertaining for a neutral observer. I once listened to a woman map out a friend’s biological clock in front of a large group of people, urging her to have babies quickly before she was too old! This friend politely explained that she was career-focused, when in truth she was dying to have children but her partner (who was present during this exchange) was not yet ready. The issue had been a sore spot for them for months and was being unearthed by this ruthless stranger – in front of a group of people nonetheless. There was also the time a stranger insinuated that anybody without children could not possibly be as busy as someone with kids. The comment was directed at a woman who had recently undergone her third fertility treatment and wanted nothing more than to become a parent herself.
But the worst judgment seems to be directed at individuals who actively choose not to have kids. Do they really deserve to be labeled as selfish? Perhaps they should be applauded as courageous. Is it not more admirable to ignore social pressures and decide that parenthood is not for you, rather than mindlessly following the pack to have children, only to regret it after it is too late? Or worse, once you resent your offspring? It seems that even in these liberal times motherhood is applauded more loudly than the lifestyle choices of those who do not want children. Why not argue that they are contributing to global sustainability, given that the world population hit seven billion recently and there are not even enough resources to keep every one of us fed.
Children or Career? Should it matter?
And if you do decide to have children, arguments can be made for either having them when you are young and energetic, or waiting until you are older and established. On the one hand, if you decide (and succeed) to have children when you are young, then you have youth on your side during the recovery process, to better cope with sleep deprivation and to run after a toddler for the next five years. Also, there is a better chance that they will all be out of the house in time for your retirement, although that is no longer a guarantee. On the other hand, if you wait until you are older, you can enjoy an established career, home, and finances before you become responsible for vulnerable dependents. Whatever you decide, the decision should be your own.
It is uncouth to judge those who choose not to have kids, to pity those who cannot conceive, or congratulate those who do have children. So I ask, is there a more loaded question nowadays than “when are you having kids?” It is impossible to know the whole slew of baggage associated to this question so best to stand clear of it and discuss politics instead.
References
http://www.indexmundi.com/canada/total_fertility_rate.html
