Intimacy is a vital part of any marriage; many will even say it is what really defines a relationship. Intimacy is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, as it can bring couples closer together and help them to resolve disagreements more effectively. And it makes sex feel so much better.
However, intimacy issues in a marriage can lead to a wide range of problems, from misunderstandings to breakdowns in communication. Leaving these issues ignored and unaddressed can put a strain on your relationship, both emotionally and sexually.
In this article, we will explore some of the most common intimacy issues that can occur in a marriage and provide tips on how to overcome them. After all, intimacy cannot be achieved once and forever – it has to be nurtured and taken care of to last.
The lack of intimacy can often be traced back to different expectations around sex. It frequently occurs when one partner has a higher sex drive than the other – when one partner’s need for sex exceeds the other’s. This can be frustrating for both parties and can lead to a feeling of being rejected or unwanted.
If you are struggling with mismatched sexual desires, it is important to talk to your spouse about it and find solutions that will work for both of you. Try to understand where the other person is coming from and be respectful of their needs.
It may be helpful to set some ground rules, such as being honest about when you’re not in the mood or making time for sex even when you’re tired. You might also want to try scheduling sex or find ways to increase your own sex drive if it’s something you’re willing to change about yourself.
You can also explore areas of your sex life you haven’t discussed before – sharing your sexual fantasies or trying sex toys. Who knows, maybe your turn-on point hides somewhere between putting on a new set of lingerie, allocating more time for foreplay, or ordering a sexdoll torso.
It is also important to remember that sex is not the only way to show intimacy. If one partner is not in the mood, the other can still find ways to be intimate through cuddling, massaging, or kissing.
One reason why couples may struggle with intimacy issues is that they have different love languages. Everyone expresses and receives love in different ways, and it’s important to find out what your partner’s love language is. Otherwise, you may be speaking a completely different language!
For example, some people feel loved when their partner shows them physical affection, such as cuddling, kissing, or virtually any form of non-violent physical contact. Conversely, for some, just hearing words of affirmation will already be enough, though it’s not something they can switch for physical touch.
Many may feel valued when their partner does something thoughtful for them – an act of service, like making them breakfast in bed or taking care of the kids so they can have some time to themselves. In contrast, for others, receiving gifts, no matter how expensive or DIYed, is the only way to feel appreciated.
And still, others may feel loved when their partner simply spends quality time with them, engaging in deep conversations or shared hobbies.
If you’re not sure what your partner’s love language is, pay attention to the way they express love to you. Once you know what that is, you can start “speaking” it yourself and, consequently, improve and deepen your connection.
Another common issue that can lead to intimacy problems in a marriage is resentment. This can be caused by a build-up of small grievances, such as feeling unappreciated or taken for granted. It can also be caused by major problems, such as infidelity or financial stress.
Resentment can lead to feelings of anger and betrayal, which can be very difficult to overcome.
If you are feeling resentment towards your partner, it is important to communicate it in a non-judging way. Try to express how you are feeling constructively and look for ways to resolve the issues that are causing the resentment.
If you are unable to resolve the issues yourselves, may consider seeking help from a couples counselor or therapist.
Our past traumas are something that can hurt our new relationship and get in the way of becoming genuinely intimate with other people in our lives. This may be due to sexual abuse, relationship violence, loss of a loved one, adverse events in childhood, or other forms of trauma.
These experiences can leave you feeling scared, alone, or even unworthy of love and intimacy. If you have experienced any kind of trauma, it is important to seek help from a therapist or counselor.
It is also important to be open to your partner about your past traumas. This can be a difficult conversation, but it is important to remember that other people cannot read your mind, even when they care so much about you.
They won’t be aware of what you have been through and how it is affecting you if you’re not willing to share. Talking about it will help them to understand and support you better, creating a stronger bond between the two of you.
Intimacy is an essential part of any marriage, but it is also one of the most difficult things to maintain. There are many different factors that can lead to intimacy issues in a marriage, but the most common ones include mismatched sexual desire or love languages, resentment, and past traumas.
If you are struggling with any of these issues, it is important to talk to your partner about it. As you can see, being able to communicate openly and being an active, non-judgemental listener are both irreplaceable skills in a long-term relationship.
Remember, there is no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist if you’re feeling stuck or don’t know where to start. As long as you’re both making an effort to improve your marriage, you can overcome anything that comes your way.
Image Credit: Pexels
