Men’s Bible: How not to spoil your impression of yourself even before the date

Asking someone out on a Tinder date is as exciting as going to the urologist: not exactly comfortable, but necessary. Even after you've worked up the courage to make the first move, thought through all your future jokes and dialogues, and finally called the girl out, your plan may start to fall apart before you see her.

Once the girl accepts your invitation, you enter what might be called the period of possible failure. This is the interval between this acceptance and the actual date of the meeting, during which your interest in the person and vice versa may diminish considerably. Think about this before the date, because before that, the highlights were your registration on a dating app and the mash-up with the girl. It's comparable to the not-so-desirable early rise, which seems to provide you with more time to get things done, but pretty soon you'll start to hate the nasty 7 a.m. wake-up call. The same goes for dating.

So what should you do during this period to avoid failure? Maybe mess around with a girl in correspondence all those days all the time? That's not really necessary. But staying silent until the date isn't right either. By the time you meet the girl at some swanky bar you've been choosing for days, she may well have become convinced that you're not someone worth wasting your time on. This period is very important. We talked to a few girls and found out what they expect from men in this excruciating interval and how you can avoid failure.

Don’t Go Overboard With the Amount of Communication

The first thing you don't have to do is fuss like a squirrel in a wheel. Everything has already happened. The process has already started. At this point, you can overdo it and go without a date if you text nonstop, especially during the workday. One guy told me that he texted a girl so often that he ended up not wanting to go out with her until the first date because he was already tired of communicating and she started to think he was desperate.

Remember that text messages are not the best way to get to know a person. You either send a text of a few paragraphs of your bio, which is unlikely to be read to the end, or you reply with short messages, giving the impression of a frivolous person. In a live conversation, you can ask clarifying questions, make jokes, open up: you have every opportunity to present yourself in a better light. If you feel you should add something to your lines, insert a light joke – your bonus point if you decide to revisit the topic. Adrienne added that the dialogue should be humorous, flirty, and cute.

The exception to this is when a date is a long way off. "If a date is still two weeks away, you have to keep the dialogue going," Adrienne said. Don't jump into boring and trivial topics that you don't want to discuss. The question, "How was your day?" won't get you excited. Also, don't create a situation with abstract questions of the format "Tell me something about yourself that will impress me." Remember that you can make jokes and send memes (not of an erotic nature, of course). "Look at this cool I found on the Internet." Great move. Send safe messages that immediately say, "I remember we're going on a date, I'm excited, and I promise I'm not a killer."

Make a Clear Plan of Action

Sure, you could write, "Hey, want to meet for coffee this Sunday?" And then shut up until the day of the meeting. Honestly, if you're the one asking for a date, your request should consist of several questions. So once the girl agrees, ask, "What days are you free?" If you are a metropolitan resident, find out, "What part of town would be more convenient to meet in?" Not only will you make yourself look good, but your date will be comfortable in the area she chooses. It will look like she cares and respects her time, not your laziness. Such questions are important especially for those who have children, pets, or a very demanding boss. The longer you wait to find out all the details, the worse your impression of yourself will be. It will feel like you're not paying attention to the other person, and that will eventually lead to failure.

Also, except in real emergencies, don't postpone the first date. Part of organizing the plan is also executing it. Texting her two hours before the meeting, "I forgot I have to help my buddy, can we meet tomorrow?" – is like showing up at her house with a megaphone and saying right to her face, "I'm nervous as hell about our date!"

Confirm the Meeting

Every girl we talked to mentioned that it's important to confirm the date. No one wants to show up to a meeting and spend an hour trying to figure out if you're going to be late or not show up at all. A confirmation text is the same stamp that says, "I remember the date and will be on time." If you write a simple "I'm on my way" or "See you at 4!", the girl is sure to know that you're looking forward to the date as much as she is. If it's been a week since your last meeting, don't be lazy to remind yourself the night before the rendezvous, "Is our 7 a.m. meeting tomorrow still on?" It doesn't have to be a challenge for you: just need to confirm that you'll be where you promised. But don't be too sugary and romantic: "So glad to finally meet you!" – is unnecessary.

Don’t Relax After Your Date

The time between the first and second meetings is another potential period of probable failure because there is a temptation to activate endless and annoying dialogue that you don't want. If you notice that you're texting a girl every day from morning to night, you probably look annoying. On the other hand, not texting for three days is also weird. The proper follow-up dialogue after the date should include a mention of what you talked about during the meeting: "Had breakfast this morning at that cafe you recommended to me. You were right, it's a very cool place!"

But you don't want to go overboard with such messages: the good impression you made on the first date may evaporate immediately after the message "Last night was magical" or a similar line or two. As Audrey said, "If you text me, 'Good morning, gorgeous,' I'll immediately cancel the next date." Remember the rule: you can write such messages only after the first kiss. Before that, you don't know each other well enough.

After the third date, you leave the danger zone of potential failure. Most people don't have the time or inclination to go on multiple dates. If the spark goes out after the date, it's not a problem with your etiquette or plan-it's just the initial lack of chemistry between you.

Photo: Pana Kutlumpasis, Pixabay